it's my life

I woke up this morning like any other. I got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face, ate breakfast, and made a coffee. Having done Saturday cleaning yesterday, i went on my computer and started downloading music. I came upon the song "it's my life" by Gwen Stefani. The first time i listened to the song it really meant nothing to me, it was the second time when it all hit me. The people that we commit the most time and energy into are usually the ones that put nothing in back. If they were putting something back in then we wouldn't have to be doing as much. It wouldn't take as much out of us because it wouldn't be as difficult. And further more we would be gaining in return so it wouldn't be as difficult.
That's when I stopped and thought about the past six month of my life and what i have willingly given to Mr. Big, in hopes and dreams that he would wake up and give something back. I gave time. OOO the amount of time i gave to this man. Time waiting for him to arrive at the library. Time spent with him at the library, loafting around because he wasn't working that particular day. The time i gave driving him home, because he didn't have a car yet. When in reality i should have been working on a presentation of studying for an essay. The times i should have been in class but i wasn't for him.
In reality one could say, well that's your own fault, you got yourself into the mess. But when i think back on it all now, with a clear mind, no longer blinded by "love" or what ever it is you want to call. He knew full out what he was doing. He was fully aware of the effect he had on me, and he used it to his advantage to achieve what it is he wanted. and that not fair, as Gwen Stefanie says in her song "its my life, don't you forget". you don't play and mess with peoples lives like that its not fair.
So, ladies this is my message, we cannot allow ourselves at the end of the day to say, well you know what he didn't owe me anything. Yes he did, maybe not as a boyfriend or a friend or whatever. But at least as a decent human being, to see the energy that person is putting towards you and you know its all in waste. Let them go, set them free so they can be concentrating on something that at least has a purpose. Don't be selfish and let them continue. Because you know what, you owe them at least that much.

It never Happened

You know that night that your actually so happy you don't fully remember? That night that caused everything to change,and at the current moment you can't help but think it's for the worse not for the better. You know going back to school will never be the same again. You can fake that smile, say hello, but deep inside you know those two people that you were prior to that night are no longer there. All you can do is try and accept the people you have become, if it be as friends still or not. Regardless you can't go back in time and change it. Not say those words, not feel those feelings. We are all human and we do make mistakes. Some times we make mistakes because we're clinging on so hard to something that is fighting its hardest to get away. So why can't we let it go? Why do we fight so hard to be with some one, who is fighting equally has hard not to be with you? Is it because just like that night we don't remember, or see that they are fighting to get away. We focus our attention to things that may be steering us in the direction that they do want us? Or are we to fixated on the beginning part of the relationship? When everything that was new and sparkly and We aren't allowing ourselves to realize and recognize that its not new and sparkly anymore. Its old and ruined, but we cant seem to let it go because at one moment, just like a favorite sweater it fit perfectly and made us feel amazing.Is that what were all fighting for when we cant let go, that feeling we had in the beginning of when things were amazing and new. and were scared we wont get that feeling anywhere else so we fight and hold on hoping to relight that spark. And that's why we're happy when we cant remember that night that it all ended? because if we remember then we know its over, we have to accept it. If we at least have the satisfaction of not remember we can pretend its not real? It never happened.
--So I put my lipstick on and I put a smile on my face. & if anybody asks me, Everything is okay