Something to believe in

Today is December 29th 2009, two days till the New year. But its not only a new year it is also a new decade. It makes me think, should it be a new me. This past year I would like to think has been a transition year. It's been a whole year of me and my ex being broken up, which makes me think and accept yes we are actually broken up.
Through out the year I have been constantly searching for something. Something to define that I have moved on from the person I was in that relationship, something to show that I'm better. Needless to say I wasn't doing it for myself, I was almost doing it as a show, a performance. Which got me thinking, how much of what we constantly do it for ourselves?I can almost say a lot of it isn't, a lot of what we do is to prove ourselves, and show others that we don't need them that we are better. I have constantly tried quiting smoking and failed miserably. A lot of that rests on the fact that I have never actually quit for me, I quit because my boyfriend wanted me to, I quit because I was scared my parents would find out, I quit because I couldn't afford it anymore, and lastly and worst of all, I quit because the guy I was talking to didn't like me smoking. So, whenever any of those reasons left I went back to smoking. So this year 2010 I am declaring my smoke free year, but for me. Because I want to quit not because someone else wants me to quit.
Secondly, I am going to eat healthy and continue the gym. I have been doing that anyways but I'm restating it just to ensure I continue.
Thirdly, I going to stop allowing boys to define who I am and my worth. After me and my ex broke up, I found myself in a whirlwind of boysboysboys. Once one left I quickly found a new one to replace them. Or I went through a whiplash of one particular one coming and going. Its been painful and exhausting; and frankly I'm feed up to the point that the mere idea of a relationship makes me want to run in the opposite direction. I'm not on "strike", I just simply do not feel like being on a rollercoster anymore.
So this is my own personal declaration for the new year. This is posted on the net - the modern version of written in stone- so lets hope I stick to it.