Addict

I was at the mall today with two friends looking for dresses for a banquet event we have coming up. I found a dress I truly adore and I don't think I'll be happy unless I am wearing it at the event. The only problem is it's 177$ =(. My other friend bought a dress which is well... a lot like ones she already has; however she does look quite fabulous in it and she likes it so why not. However, while looking around for something else for me -something cheaper- I couldn't seem to get my mind off of that BEAUTIFUL perfect blue silk with the rhinestones on the pockets dress. At which point my friends said something that got me thinking, D said "you wont find anything because you have the other dress in your mind" while K said "you have a very addictive personality". They were both 100% true, every dress I saw I compared to the other one, and nothing seemed to add up. I was addicted to that dress and how it made me feel. Which ultimately made me realize, is this my problem with men. Am I just addicted to the feeling I get when I'm with that one particular one, that I can't seem to try something new. What if that next thing is better?
Which lead me to my next idea, what if the reason why we become victims of habit and repetition is connected to the idea of comfort, stability, and conformity.We stay within a circle of events, people, places, and even objects, because branching out seems a lot scarier. Maybe the drug addict isn't addicted to the high, maybe they are just scared of change, maybe they are scared of what is truly out there in the world?
Which would conclude that, my not being able to give up Mr. Big is not because I truly enjoy the high, but because I'm scared to completely give him up. I've been chasing this man for so long, and allowing him to take up so much of my time and energy that not having him do that would certainly mix things up in my life. Maybe I'm just scared of the void that will be left behind once I drop the habit. Maybe, just like the drug addict I'm just scared to see what the world is actually like, when I'm not high.